Funny stuff part 3
Not a boolean
(based on Blowin' in the wind (B.Dylan) J.Anslik
1. How many code must a man type in
Before you can call him a man?
How many C must a compiler process
Before it can sleep in the RAM?
How many times must MS-DOS crash
Before it is forever banned?
R. The answer, my friend
Is not a boolean
The answer is not a boolean.
2. How many times must a man read his source
Before he can see what is wrong?
How many memory must his system have
Before he can use 'unsigned long'?
How many errors will it take till he knows
That there's still some work to be done?
R.
3. How many years can a program exist
Before it's erased from drive C:\ ?
How many years must known bugs exist
Before you get an update for free?
How many times can a drive move its head
And pretend there's no data to read?
R.
Programmer (based on SledgeHammer (Peter Gabriel)
You could have some FORTRAN.
I will write your subroutine
You could have some C and Ada
I will rev up your machine
Why don't you just hire me?
I'll code anything you need
You can have some Pascal;
You type 'IF' and I'll type 'THEN'
You can have some Lisp code 'EVAL'-ing
May the recursion never end!
(I wanna be your) Programmer!
Why don't you use my code!
(Let me be your) Programmer!
Just compile and load, no problem
I can deal with SNOBOL
I can even handle APL
But I won't deal with COBOL
No one can put me through that hell!
(I wanna be your) Programmer!
Go on and use my code
(So let me be your) Programmer!
Just compile and load, and run it
Hey, look at ME! (I'm a) Programmer!
An algorithms' man
(So nice to be a) Programmer
I'm raking fifty grand, just writing
code.
Code.
Programmer!
(interlude)
I LIKE TO HACK!
I dig assembler (dig assembler)
Wrote my HEX2BIN
I built the kernel (oh, what a kernel!)
Put my drivers in
(yeah yeah yeah) Load for me! (load for me)
I will port you through
Load for me! (load for me)
I will port you through
I want real neat tools!
I wanna build compilers! Build compilers now!
NOW!
I want, I want microcode!
I want, I want microcode!
YACC YACC YACC YACC YACC YACC YACC YACC YACC!
Tap My Wire
(based on Light my Fire (The Doors) M. Loss
You know that I would be untrue
You know that I would be a 'foo'
If I was to say to you
We couldn't hack ourselves to root
Come on hackers tap a wire
Come on hackers tap a wire
Try to set the mode-bits higher
The time to sit and watch is gone
No time to linger in the shell
Try to make crack-programs run
Yes we will make the tty's bell
Come on hackers tap a wire
Come on hackers tap a wire
Try to set the mode-bits higher
The Wall 2
(based on The Wall (Pink Floyd) N. Torkington
"Another User in the Wall Part 1"
Root has flown across the ocean
Leaving just a memory
Coredumps from /bin ls
Root, what else did you leave for me?
Root, what'd'ja leave behind for me?!
All in all, you were just a pain in the ass,
All in all, we are all just pains in the ass.
"Another Brick in the Wall part 2"
{\lead}
We don't need no pull-down-menus
We don't need no rescaled fonts
No dark icons in the corner
Hackers, leave those Macs alone.
Hey! Hackers! Leave them Macs alone!
All in all it's just another WIMP up for sale
All in all you're just another WIMP up for the sale.
{\kids}
We don't need no fancy windows
We don't need no title bars
No MultiFinder in the startup
Hackers leave them Macs alone
Hey! Hackers! Leave them Macs alone!
All in all it's just another WIMP up for sale
All in all you're just another WIMP up for sale.
{\guitar}
"Another Brick In the Wall Part 3"
I don't need no mice around me
And I don't need no fonts to calm me.
I have seen the writing on the wall.
Don't think I need any WIMP at all.
No! Don't think I need any WIMP at all.
No! Don't think I'll need any WIMP at all.
All in all it was all just bricks in the wall.
All in all you were all just bricks in the wall.
ACRONYMS APPLE Another Poor Product Like Eniac IPHONE I Prefer Hipness Over Network Excellence IPOD Idiots Price Our Devices EPSON Every Product Sucks Or Naps ASCII American Standard Code of Interference Injection EBCDIC Extended Binary-Coded Disastrous Interference Cause EBOOK Enemy of Book RAM Random Access Mistakes RAM Regularly Annoying Malfunctions. ROM Randomly-Ordered Mistakes EPROM Electrically-Positioned Randomly-Ordered Mistakes BIOS Basically I‘m Origin of System CNN Censored News Network PENTIUM Produces Erroneous Numbers Thru Incorrect Understanding of Math MICROSOFT Massively Influential Company Relying On Shit Operation From Tradegoods Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers SCSI System Cant See It. IDE Inadvertent Data Errors. PCI Plainly Crap Interface ISA Incredibly Slows Access. BIOS Blatantly Ignorant Operating System CD-ROM Cancels Data- Regular Outage of Memory Consumer Device-Rendered Obsolete in Months DVD Daily Violation of Disk. ISP Internationally Slow Provider. GIF General Information Failure. BMP Blows Most Processors. JPG Jolly Phallic Graphics. JAVA Just Another Vague Architecture Just Another Vague Algorithm Just Another Vulnerability Announced CLOUD Complete Loss Of User Data Centralized Lock On User Data
When a programmer goes to bed he sets out 2 glasses on his bedside table... One glass is full of water, in case he wants to get a drink. One glass is empty, in case he doesn't!
Why did the Integer drown? Because he couldn't Float!
package MS.pickpocket.utils
public class MSUtils {
public static C# getC#(){
return ( C# )new Java().clone();
}
}
/**
LordsPrayer.java
@author Ganesh Prasad
*/
import org.religion.*;
public class LordsPrayer {
public void pray() {
// Our Father, who art in heaven,
//
God ourFather = Heaven.getGodInstance();
// Hallowed be thy Name.
//
ourFather.getName().setHallowed( true );
// Thy kingdom come.
//
ourFather.getKingdom().setWelcome( true );
// Thy will be done in earth
// As it is in heaven.
//
boolean isWillDone = Heaven.isWillDone( ourFather );
Earth.setWillDone( ourFather, isWillDone );
// Give us this day our daily bread.
//
Bread dailyBread = ourFather.getBread( new Date() );
// And forgive us our trespassess,
// As we forgive those who trespass against us.
//
synchronized {
ourFather.forgive( this.getTrespasses() );
this.forgive( this.getTrespassers() );
}
// And lead us not into temptation;
// But deliver us from evil:
//
ourFather.removeTemptationListener( this );
ourFather.deliverFrom( Evil, this );
// For thine is the kingdom, and the power,
// and the glory, for ever.
//
for (;;) {
Kingdom.setOwner( ourFather );
Power.setOwner( ourFather );
Glory.setOwner( ourFather );
}
// Amen.
//
finalize();
}
}Touch tone melodies
My coun-try 'tis of thee Sweet Land of li-be-ty of thee i sing 5 5 6 1 5 9 0 0 8 0 8 4 8 4 2 4 Stran-gers in the night Ex-chang-ing glan-ces 4 8 8 4 8 4 8 6 8 4 Here comes the bride all dressed in white 1 3 3 3 1 9 6 6 Lon-don bridge is fall-ing down fall-ing down fall-ing down london 6 9 6 8 7 8 6 1 4 5 7 8 9 6 bridge is fall-ing down my fair la-dy 6 8 7 8 6 8 6 0 4 Twin-kle twin-kle lit-tle star 1 1 9 9 0 0 9 Ring a-round a ros-y a poc-ket full of pos-ies ash-es ash-es we all 8 8 8 6 0 4 4 8 8 8 6 0 4 0 4 0 4 4 0 fall down 0 4 mis-ter sand-man bring me a dream 4 2 6 2 6 6 2 6 Mar-ry had a lit-tle lamb, lit-tle lamb, lit-tle lamb 3 5 7 5 3 3 3 5 5 5 3 3 3 hot crossed buns, etc.... 321 321 1111 2222 321